Module 5

Trying something new was...

rewarding! When I am pushed to try something new, I typically find the experience refreshing and exciting. Some new things I've tried recently were working on Facebook ads with Rachel, analyzing data from BWC, and taking a different study approach in the book of Acts in my married small group. I would easily extend the "something new" concept to my experience of this intern year overall, which has given me the opportunity to photograph more people and events more than ever before and has allowed me to lead a lifegroup for the first time.

However, there are times when I am definitely not up for trying something new. When I don't have enough motivation, I need someone to more or less order me to engage in whatever assignment or project. For instance, I signed up to test out the new Perspective cards in January, but I didn't use them with another individual once. I either needed someone to check on my progress or someone to work alongside me.

When I feel disappointed with God, I...

blame myself. In all honesty, how could I be disappointed with my Creator, my ultimate Protector, my most Holy and perfect Father? I can only recall one time when I felt disappointed with God: I had prayed to remain calm and confident during one of my Italian exams in Fall of 2008. I ended up panicking during the exam and afterward I asked God "What happened? I prayed that I wouldn't freak out and that's exactly what I did!" Upon later reflection, I realized my own self ambition in such a prayer requests and that my heart was not in the right place when I asked for the Lord's help.

In fact, I feel disappointed in myself quite frequently. I rejoice in knowing that I am a new creation in Christ and that I do not beat myself up over past "failures" as I had in the past. Now I try to set more reasonable, but still above-standard goals for myself. However, I'm still trying to find the balance between how much of my burden I can place on the Lord, and what exactly constitutes the cross I have to bear. The process that I'm currently struggling with in regards to these feelings is (of course) support raising and MPD.